Monday, June 18, 2012

A Playlist for the Broken

So many things are messed up. So many people I love are hurting. So many friends are broken.

And while I’m a lifetime member of the “I can fix this” club, there are some things I cannot fix. Some hurts I cannot heal. Some wrongs I cannot right. Some hearts wearing scars I cannot fade.

But I know Someone who can. So I pray.

And I pray.

And I pray.

When God answers, I rejoice.

When he doesn’t? I beat my head against the back of my chair and I look at my husband with tears streaming and I say, “I’ve prayed so hard. So hard. And it hasn’t done any good.”

I am broken.

And I cannot fix myself.

I have so much in common with Eve.

I think I know best. In fact, I think—although I never say this out loud because good Christian girls know better—that maybe God hasn’t thought this out as well as I have. Because if He had, He would agree with me. 100%.

I want my way.

And when God’s way makes no sense to me?

My faith cracks. Sometimes it’s a tiny fissure. Sometimes a gaping cavern.

Always it’s a wound. A wound that will not—cannot—heal without Him.

It’s at this point that I have a choice. We all have a choice.

We can stay broken, wounded, bleeding. Live out our lives miserable and bitter.

We can try to fix ourselves. Patch up the wound with whatever feels good. Cover up the scars with laughter and a heavy layer of denial.

Or we can let Him fix us.

We lay it all out there. Our hurt, our confusion, our anger, our desperation. We hold back nothing from Him.

We believe with the shards of faith we have left and we beg Him to help our unbelief.

And He does.

When He takes our broken pieces and puts them back together, the craziest things happens.

Our faith grows back . . . stronger than before.

But how do you do it? When faith stumbles? When belief wavers? When you don’t know where to start?

For me, it’s music. Songs that give voice to my pain and confusion. Songs that remind me of what I believe. Songs that help me worship when I don’t feel like it.

Here is my playlist for the broken. If you're hurting today, I invite you to listen. Just listen. Let Him put you back together again. Stronger than before.

Abba - It hurts. So much. Nothing will ever be the same. It feels like nothing will ever be right again. We don't understand. But we choose You. Over getting our way. Over what we think is best. Over having what we want. We choose You. We choose to believe that You are God and that there is no one like you. You are worthy of our praise. Father, we believe. Help our unbelief.


Joc said...

Thank you Lynn. I'm not left with many other words right now. So well said and so needed by me right now. You are doing an awesome job at sharing God and his amazing love.

Joc said...

Thank you Lynn. I'm not left with many other words right now. So well said and so needed by me right now. You are doing an awesome job at sharing God and his amazing love.

Lynn Huggins Blackburn said...

Oh Joc - You are never far from my thoughts and prayers. I'm begging Him to show you a glimpse of His plan and to hold you tight.

Cathy Baker said...

Beautiful post, Lynn. Creative, authentic, and above all, encouraging. Thank you for sharing!

Debra Koontz Traverso said...

Very insightful, for sure. And, I know what you mean. When people get what they prayed for, I so often hear them say, "God is good." But I don't hear them say that when the answer to their prayers is just the opposite...when the cancer is confirmed, the loved one dies, the child is hurt....we don't say "God is good." And yet, we know He is still good. I wrestle with that. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.

Erynn said...

Thanks for this (even though it made me cry). I finally got the play list to work (stupid computer), and there were a couple I hadn't heard, so thanks for sharing. I would also add Laura Story's "Blessings," and "Blessed be the Name of the Lord." Also, The Joy Eternal has an entire album called "A Sweet and Bitter Providence" that's really encouraging (and I believe can be downloaded for free on NoiseTrade).

Lynn Huggins Blackburn said...

Cathy - Thank you!
Deb - Thanks for wrestling with me!!
Erynn - Glad you got it working! I actually added Blessings to my list on Spotify, but it was after this blog posted, so maybe it doesn't show up? And how did I forget Blessed be your name??? Great suggestions!

Jamie Britt said...

Oh Lynn, this ministered to me like you wouldn't believe. I have a friend who is going through a huge struggle right now who when I forwarded her the email, she called me just in tears. She's a new Christian, and she's struggling to see that God is working through her situation. Please keep her in prayer that God would give her and her family the strength necessary to move forward in the next step. Her name is Christina. Love you sweet friend!