Fake?

I am so fake.

From head to toe.

Don't believe me?

I have NO idea what my natural hair color is. Haven't seen it in years. Don't want to. My guess is that it is some sort of flat brown with a lot of gray. I have a wonderful stylist who colors my hair every ten weeks. I consider it money well spent.

Then, there's my face. I'm not one of those people who won't leave the house without makeup. But let me tell you, when I put it on, the one thing I never forget is my eyebrow pencil. Why? Because I have NO eyebrows! I mean, they exist. But they are so blond you can't see them. Trust me when I say that having eyebrows makes a huge difference in the way your face looks.

As I type these words, I am wearing teeth whitening strips. I want my pearly whites to be pearly white come conference time. Does this really matter? Were they so hideous before? No. But it makes me feel better.

The lotion I've been using since capri weather struck has a tint in it. This is basically so I can go out in public wearing shorts without blinding innocent bystanders.

See what I mean? Fake hair, eyebrows, teeth, legs. All fake.

I can live with that. But what I'm struggling with today is the rest of me. The inside of me.

The real me.

I want to be the kind of person who actually lives out what I believe. But faking it comes so easily. I think it's even easier for those of us who were born and raised in the church. For whom "Christianese" is our first language. You can't scare me with words like justification, sanctification and propitiation. I can talk doctrine, quote scripture, and offer up any number of spiritual platitudes. No sweat. And if you want to challenge me to a sword drill, you are on!

But does it really matter how quickly I can find Galatians 5:22-23 if I don't live a life that bears the fruit of the Spirit?

Does it matter if I know I am justified and sanctified by faith through grace and that it is not of myself if I keep trying to do it all by myself (Eph. 2:8-9)?

Why is it so much easier to get hung up on following the rules than it is to focus on the relationship?

I try so hard to do it all and fail miserably. Then I feel like a fraud - a fake - a wannabe. Satan attacks, reminding me that I know better and still keep making the same mistakes.

But then the Spirit intercedes and reminds me that "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Rom. 8:1)

The verse popped into my head, but I had no context. Guess what I found when I looked it up? This verse comes right after Romans 7:15 - 25 which begins with Paul saying "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do the thing I want, but I do the very thing I hate." It's a tongue twister, but it hits me right where I live and makes me feel a little better.

'Cause I bet you've never heard anyone say "That Apostle Paul, he was so fake".

Romans 8 ends with these words: In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

In this, I put my hope.

There is nothing I can do to make God love me more. There is nothing I can do to make God love me less. I am His and He is mine.

And there is nothing fake about that.

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