Monday, January 11, 2010

At Loose Ends . . .

I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel lost. Unsettled. Deeply unsatisfied.

I have nothing to do.

Don’t misunderstand. I have plenty to do. The ever-present laundry. The dust bunnies throwing a fiesta on every flat surface. The bathrooms – ugh, the bathrooms.

Plenty to do. But no deadline. If the dust bunnies party another few days, no one will mind. We won’t be running around naked if I don’t do laundry. And the bathrooms will continue to serve their purpose regardless.

I’ve been on a deadline for 4 ½ months. Different deadlines, but always something looming. Always a writing assignment due or a Bible study lesson to finish or a committee meeting to prepare for. And let’s just not even talk about the entire month of December. I’m trying to block the horror!

But today, January 11, 2010, I am without a deadline. I submitted my final writing assignment last week. My scrapbooks, while not up-to-date, are much further along thanks to the scrapbooking retreat I returned from last night. My new Bible study doesn’t begin until February. I don’t have to complete anything for my committee meeting on Friday.

Nothing to do. But so many things to think about.

This whole writing thing – where am I going with it? What do I do next? Do I start editing my first novel or should I focus on writing my second novel? Should I take another class or read a few highly recommended books? Should I scrap the whole thing? (Given that I needed to write all this out, the answer to the last question is probably no!)

And my family – what do I want 2010 to look like for them? After months of perpetual frenzy, how do I slow things down? What do I put on the calendar and what should I say no to? How does the writing fit in?

“Be Still and Know that I AM GOD!” is the answer my Abba gives me.

But how on earth am I supposed to do it? How do you just “be still”? I haven’t been still in so long, I’m not sure where to begin.

I do know this . . . the answers to my questions lie in the stillness. The satisfaction I crave lies - not in a cafĂ© mocha - but in the fountain of living water. So when James goes down for his nap, I’m not going to do be doing anything much.

I am going to be still.