Friday, March 26, 2010

If It's Wednesday . . .

Yes, I know it's Thursday Friday. I'm not that far over the edge.

But I want to talk about Wednesdays.

Our Women's Bible Study meets on Wednesday morning at 9AM. We meet in Fall and Spring. And in Fall and Spring, my Wednesday mornings are disasters. A few recent examples . . .

My phone rings as I am getting out of the van. It's the school. Sound familiar? That's because I blogged about this a few weeks ago . . . scroll on down to read about it.

Last week, I make it to Bible study. I actually make it until 10:45. When my phone rings. Right in the middle of Beth Moore saying something important. Are you kidding me? Nope. School nurse. Again. Emma hasn't spoken a word all morning. (Admittedly, this is bizarre behavior). I stay to the end of Bible study (since James is taking a nap and there's no point in having 2 grouchy children - see how I rationalize things?). I get Emma home and she plays all afternoon like she doesn't have a care in the world. For those of you who are friends of mine on Facebook, you might take note that this was the same day of the dog poop/ice cream scoop incident.

This brings us to two days ago (see, I told you I had my days straight). The morning started out OK. I got up without falling out of bed. But at 7:25 I remembered that the carseat wasn't actually "in" the car. I mean, it was sitting there. Just not fastened to anything. So began the frantic, hyperdrive carseat installation wherein it is possible that I might have lost my temper. Once. Twice. OK. Fine. Three times.

Brian leaves with Emma only slightly late and James and I are facing a whole 90 minutes to get ready and head out the door. All we have to do is shower and dress and fill 10 Easter eggs with treats and surprises for Emma to take to school. No problem!

I couldn't find the eggs. You know how this goes. You are at Wal-mart and you think "should I buy that $1 bag of Easter eggs" and you say "NO! I have 100 left from last year when I forgot that I had 50 from the year before and bought another bag. I do NOT need more eggs" and so, you don't buy them. You pat yourself on the back for your frugality only to find yourself standing in your storage area, looking at 20 rubbermaid containers. None of which give you a clue as to which one is holding your Easter decorations. And the 100 eggs. I may have slammed the storage room door in frustration. Because I did NOT HAVE TIME to look for those blasted eggs.

I get James into the car. I get the diaper bag. I get in the van. It's 8:50. We are doing great! All in all, for a Wednesday, it hasn't been too bad. And then it hits me.

I don't have my cell phone.

And I know who had it last. I turn to James. He grins at me, but has no idea where he left my phone. I search through every bag in the car. I search James. I search my own pockets. I retrace my steps. No phone.

I email Brian and my mother-in-law, begging them to start calling my cell phone and keep calling until I pick it up.

It's now 9AM. Bible study has started. And I am not there. I'm wandering my home in search of my cell phone. And I really don't need any lectures here on how this is my own fault because I shouldn't let James play with my phone.

Somewhere in the midst of this, I knew, with a certainty that I cannot fully explain, that I absolutely, positively HAD TO GO to Bible study. That something was going to happen, something would be said, some insight would be shared, and it was imperative that I be there when it did.

This did not lessen my frustration as I continued to run around the house listening for my phone to ring and praying I had not left it on vibrate.

At 9:10, I heard it, snatched the traitor from behind the toy box (why I didn't look there first, I'll never know) and ran for the car. Brian was thankful I had found my phone and started saying all sorts of soothing things like "Honey, you need to calm down. You are on your way to a Bible study, honey."

I can appreciate the irony here without any assistance.

"Honey, if you don't let this go, you won't get anything out of today's lesson."

It really irks me when he's right.

I wish I could tell you it got better before it got worse, but . . . the next thing I heard was a beep. My sweet mother-in-law had just sent me a text telling me she'd had to put her beloved dog to sleep during the night. I sat in the van for a few seconds and just shook my head. As far as Wednesdays go, this one was making a strong play for "worst ever."

I made it inside, tried not to be too disruptive as I took my seat at 9:25, and slowly began to get in the frame of mind I should have been in from the start.

Oh - you're wondering about the big insight? Yeah. It came. Around 11:15. When Beth Moore looked straight into the camera and said "Esther was called to obedience. She was not called to figure out how it was all going to come down . . . And you are not responsible for how this thing works out."

I felt like someone was shining a spotlight on me as she spoke the words. I literally got chills.

Because I've spent an embarrassing amount of time in the past few weeks trying to figure out how to make this work. How to write, edit, re-write - this strange new thing that I feel increasingly called to do. But how to make it work with the more than full-time job I already have . . . with my core roles of wife and mother . . .with the house that needs to be cleaned and the laundry that needs to be done and the meals that need to be cooked.

I'm a planner. I'm a fixer. I've been trying to figure it out.

"It's tough being a woman who feels responsible for the 'how'." - So true.

But praise God!! I'm not responsible for the how. Just the obedience.

Good thing. James just threw my phone in the trashcan.


Susan W. Huggins said...

Oh,Lynn! I love this. It reminds how hectic being a mother can be. You just keep at it, you are a fantastic wife mother daughter sister writer knitter friend etc etc. Mom