Turns Out I'm Just Like Gideon

I don’t like talking about this. 

It feels like bragging. 

I’d much rather let someone else share the good news while I nod, smile, say thank you, and we all move on.

How do you tell people you won an award (or, um, two) without it sounding cocky or prideful?

I don’t know.

Covert Justice won the 2016 Carol Award for Short Novel and a few months ago it won the 2016 Selah Award for Mystery and Suspense.

Why was that so hard to say? It’s ridiculous really. Especially since my #1 love language is Words of Affirmation. I crave approval the way a kid craves sugar. But even when other people talk about it, it makes me uncomfortable. I appreciate it, but I don’t know what do with it. 

So I’ve been talking to my heavenly Father about it. About why He’s chosen to give me such lovely affirmations and about why I’m simultaneously ecstatic and embarrassed by them.

I don’t have a definitive answer. I may never get one. But this weekend, I got a glimpse, a snippet, a clue into what’s going on. 

Turns out, I’m just like Gideon. 

Two fleeces. Two awards.

Gulp.

You know the story, right? God calls Gideon to a work he doesn’t think he can do, so Gideon asks God to prove it. To prove to Gideon that all of this hasn’t been in his imagination and that He will be with him in battle. Instead of God turning Gideon into a little pile of Gideon dust, God agrees to the test! One night, the fleece is wet and the ground is dry, and still Gideon doesn’t quite believe. The next night, the fleece is dry and the ground is wet. Boom.

I didn’t ask God for a fleece, but I might as well have. He knows my heart. Knows my fears and insecurities. 

Now, I have to wonder if when I sit down to write a new story and am overcome with panic that someone’s going to figure out that I.AM.A.FRAUD.—does God want to grab my face in His holy hands and turn it around until I see those two awards sitting on the mantle? The two awards for a book that I didn’t think I could write. For a book that His fingerprints are all over. For a book that has opened up opportunities for me that I never could have imagined.

Is He waiting for me to finally believe?

Not to believe that I can do anything, but that He can do everything. 

Not to think that I have any reason to boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, but to understand that I have every reason to shout from the rooftops how awesome He is, and to cheerfully and with a peaceful heart move forward into the battle He’s calling me to fight. 

Is He wondering just how much He is going to have to do to convince me?

I wish I could tell you that this realization has left me raring to charge into the fray. That my fingers are twitching with the possibilities. That I’m thrilled to find out how God is going to show up in this next chapter.

But the truth is, I’m still afraid. 

My mouth is dry, my chest is tight. My fear of failure is off the charts.

So I do what I always do. I try to figure it out. I work myself half to death this week and I get caught up. I get caught up on the laundry, the housework, the bills, the school schedule.

And I kid you not…five minutes after I think, “Okay. I’m going to survive this. This is going to work,” I get an email that sends me right back into panic mode.

It’s a good email. A positive one. But it contains marching orders. There’s more to do.

And once more, I wonder why God picked me for this and then I think about Gideon. He figured it out. He gathered his army—and God sent most of them home. We all know why—so no one would ever be able to say he’d won in his own strength. The battle is the Lord’s. He will win it. And anyone watching, anyone listening to the story as it’s told later, will have no choice but to say, “God did that.”

So this is where I am. 

I’m marching into battle armed with a few words and a few ideas and a whole lot of questions. I am terrified, but I know that anything good that has ever happened or ever will happen is because of Him. I am clinging to these words from Thessalonians… “He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it.” 

If you want to know how you can best support my writing, pray that I will stay close to Jesus and that I will rely on Him to do what only He can.

He’s amazing and when I’m not hyperventilating, I really am excited to see what He’s going to do next.

Thank you for joining me on this wild adventure with Christ.

Grace and peace,

Lynn

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ACFW Pre-Conference Mix and Mingle

In late August, I’m headed to my very first ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers) Conference. I am so excited! 

Laurie Tomlinson is hosting a super fun “mix and mingle” link up on her website for conference attendees to get to know each other prior to the big event. The rules are simple…you answer the questions she has listed and then link your post on her blog. 

So here goes…

Name: Lynn Blackburn (I write as Lynn Huggins Blackburn, but that is a mouthful).

Location: Simpsonville, SC

What you write/tagline/trademark: Romantic Suspense

Place in the book world: My debut novel, Covert Justice, is a Carol finalist in the Short Novel category! I'm represented by the fabulous Tamela Hancock Murray of the Steve Laube Agency. 

On a scale of hugger to 10-foot-pole, please rate your personal space: Did you see my maiden name? I’m all for the hugs. :) 

Something VERY serious: How do you take your Starbucks? During the summer, I’ll take it iced. Cream only. I love the Flat White anytime, but at Christmas I’m all about the Chestnut Praline Latte. Decaf. 

The unique talking points that will get you going for hours: Clemson Tigers football, Bullet Journals, Homeschooling, Special Needs parenting, Hamilton, NCIS.

Loved ones at home you’ll be missing: My husband, 13-year-old daughter, almost 8-year-old son, and 5(and a half!)-year-old son. 

Conference goals we can pray for? I’m mostly coming to learn and network, but I will also be pitching a new romantic suspense series. 

Anything we can celebrate with you? My debut novel won the Selah Award (Mystery/Suspense category) at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference and I’m still hyperventilating!

One or two ways we can help you build your platform? You can follow me on Twitter and sign up for my newsletter here!

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A Few Thoughts....The Selah Awards - Part 2 edition

A month ago I shared a few thoughts on being a finalist for the Selah Awards in the Mystery and Suspense category. (You can read that post here).

In that post, I made the following statement…“I am not going to win."

Well…

I was wrong.

To my absolute and complete shock, Covert Justice won the 2016 Selah Award for Mystery/Suspense! 

I’ve had almost a month to think about it, to let it settle in my mind, to stop looking at the plaque on my mantle in stunned disbelief, and I still don’t have the right words to describe how I feel.

I’m a writer. I really should be able to handle this.

All I know is that when my name was called, I temporarily lost all sense of time and space. It was truly like having an out of body experience. I remember fighting back tears. I remember walking up to the stage. I remember smiling at the camera. I remember stumbling back to my seat and people smiling and congratulating me as I passed. I remember sitting down and realizing that I was trembling from head to toe.

Note the glasses and
goofy grin!

I forgot to take off my glasses (which I hate but am currently wearing all the time because of a tenacious eye infection). If I had been required to give a speech it would have been a disaster because in that moment I wasn’t entirely sure what my own name was. I’m pretty sure I looked like some bizarre version of the Joker because there was this weird grin plastered on my face that I couldn’t get control of.

But beyond that, I’m still processing the whys and hows of it all. 

I am so humbled. So stunned. And still wondering if there might have been a judging mistake. :) 

Me with my awesome agent,
Tamela Hancock Murray!

Covert Justice is my first book. I love it. It will always be special and dear, but in the year since it was released I have had so many days when I wondered if this writing thing was just too much to deal with right now. If maybe everyone would be better off if I walked away. (Can you say "Mom guilt"?) 

I have prayed so many times for clarity. Not for a sign, really. Just for peace and confidence that this journey was one I should be on.

Being a finalist and then actually winning an award like the Selah makes it hard not to believe that I’m at least moving in the right direction. 

So fun to have Shana Asaro, a Love
Inspired editor there! 

I know God is up to something with my writing. I have no idea what, but I’m thrilled to be following His lead and I’m excited to see where He takes me next. I'm also terrified! It's quite daunting to be faced with a very clear directive from the Almighty!

I want God to receive all the glory and praise. I want my readers not only to enjoy the stories I write, but to love Him more and to see Him more clearly than they did before. 

This summer, I am waiting to hear about my next book, writing a third, and brainstorming ideas for a new series. I would so appreciate your prayers as I lean hard into the Ultimate Storyteller and seek to craft new stories that will honor Him!

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What I Learned in April and May

I missed the April version of this post because…well….you can read about that in a minute. So I’m squeezing two months into one.

Here goes...

Cancer Sucks. This isn’t new information, but it was brought home to our family when my Mom was diagnosed with Stage 3C Ovarian Cancer. In the past few weeks, she’s been through major surgery and two of a planned six chemo treatments and she is A.MAZ.ING. She is totally rocking the “no hair” look and hats may become a permanent part of her style going forward. She’s a fighter and she’s battling this cancer with everything she has. 

Prayer Works. Again, not new information, but sometimes you get slapped between the eyes with prayers that you’d given up on ever being answered and then God does it in His own time and His own way and all you can do is stand back in astonishment and know in the core of your soul that “God did that.” 

I have the World’s Greatest Friends. You may think you do, but, I’m very sorry, because you don’t. (Unless you are in the same circle of friends that I’m in, in which case, you’re as blessed as I am). My friends have performed the friendship equivalent of Cirque du Soleil acts over the past few months. Watching my kiddos, bringing food, calling, emailing, texting, praying . . . They have loved me so well.

I really do love knitting. I don’t do it nearly as often as I would like, but I do enjoy it. I need to spend more time with my knitting needles and a little less with Pinterest or Instagram while I’m watching TV. 

It really is an honor to be nominated. You hear people say that all the time about the Oscars or the Emmys, and I have to admit I’ve often wondered if it is true. Well, it is. When I got the word the Covert Justice had been named a Selah finalist I couldn’t believe it. I never for minute believed I would win it, I was just thrilled to see my name in the same space as my mentor. (See this post for more info).

It’s fabulous to win. I had the closest thing to an out of body experience that I’ve ever had when Covert Justice actually WON the Selah award. I had one of those, “wait, was that MY name” moments and then one of those “I hope I didn’t hear that wrong and am making a huge fool out of myself” moments as I walked back to the stage. If there were bubbles over my head filled with my thoughts all anyone would have seen was, “What?” “Really?” “Did I hear that right?” “I wonder when they’ll realize they tallied the votes wrong?” “Is this really happening?” “I hope I don’t trip” “HOW did this happen?” and “I can’t believe it!” The best thing about the evening was that I didn’t have to make a speech because it would have been a disaster.

Reading outside my usual genre is something I need to do more often. I write romantic suspense and it is my favorite genre to read. I’ve never understood people who only read one genre, but over the years I’ve found my own reading frame narrowing, not by choice but necessity. There are only so many hours in the day! But over the past couple of months I’ve picked up a couple of fantstic books and while I certainly didn’t learn anything about how to better write a suspense novel, I hope the way the authors laid their stories on the page—with unique structures and prose so beautiful I often had to stop and savor the words—will inform my own writing in ways I can’t yet know.

Middle School isn’t so bad after all. I cannot begin to tell you how I dreaded making the transition to middle school with our daughter. A new school, new kids, new teachers. So.Much.New. But she has thrived. She loves it so much that we are all dreading the long days of summer ahead. She particularly enjoyed all her Special Olympics activities—especially cheerleading. That little bitty one in the front? That’s my girl.

Chalk Pastels are cool. I heard about chalk pastels on a podcast a few weeks ago and promptly ordered a small set. They are cheap and require nothing more than paper and some baby wipes for cleanup. I saved them for a day when we needed a new activity and my boys LOVED it. They drew apples, pumpkins, clouds, tornadoes, BB8 (from Star Wars: The Force Awakens) and then went wild creating their own masterpieces. I don’t consider myself an artist, but this is something we can do. Definitely worth checking out if you need a rainy day activity with your crew this summer. 

I learned so much more, but this post is already ridiculously long. What did you learn this month?

Grace and peace,

Lynn

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A Few Thoughts . . . the Selah Awards edition

Let me welcome you to my first “A Few Thoughts” edition. Some (like today’s entry) will be more serious and thought provoking, but not all! I have future “thoughts” to share with you on everything from the NCIS season finale (sniff) to chocolate. If you enjoy these, please let me know!

Now…

I’d like to share a few thoughts with you today about the Selah Awards.

What are the Selah Awards?

The Selah Awards are given each year at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference. They are awarded to books published during the previous calendar year. Selah Awards are given in nineteen categories.

I had no plans to enter Covert Justice in this or any other contest. My reasons included, “It’s my first book so it doesn’t have a prayer,” and “no one has ever heard of me” and the ever so fun, “I don’t want to waste money entering a contest I have 0% chance of winning.” 

My writing mentors tag teamed me one day and set me straight. They were quite persuasive and their threats logic convinced me that as an author, it is my job to promote my book in every way I can, including entering contests I have 0% chance of winning. ;) (When someone develops a sarcasm font, I’m going to be an early adopter).

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when my phone blew up with the news that Covert Justice was a finalist in the Mystery/Suspense category of the Selah Awards.

Covert Justice

I stared at my phone for quite a while before I actually believed it was true, even though my sources aren’t the kind of people to joke about something like that. Then I started giggling the way someone does who’s received a great shock and isn’t sure if they should laugh, cry, shout “Hallelujah,” or run away until it has all blown over.

Because now I had a problem. 

A big problem.

I don’t like competition. I’m the person who wishes everyone could win. Even in sporting events when I have a strong favorite, I always feel sorry for the losing team. :( 

But now, I have to go to a banquet and someone will read my name, and then in front of about 400 people I will find out whether or not Covert Justice actually won. 

I am not going to win. I am completely okay with that. The other two books in the category, No Place to Hide and Rodeo Rescuer, are both fabulous (yes, I've read them and so should you) and both were written by my friend and writing mentor, Lynette Eason. She is awesome. Seeing my name in the same category as hers makes my stomach turn flips. The phrase “it’s an honor to be nominated” has never made as much sense to me as it does now. 

But in the past few days, I’ve felt this gnawing (and, frankly, highly annoying) sense in my gut that I haven’t handled this well. Oh sure, I made a small announcement on Facebook. I put the “Selah finalist” logo on my blog page, and then I dropped it. 

I don’t like calling attention to myself. I don’t like being in the spotlight. I’ll be glad when it’s all over.

Anyone else seeing a problem here? 

There have been a lot of “I’s” in this post. 

Yes, I wrote the book.

But *I* am not now, nor have I ever been, responsible for it selling, for it reaching anyone’s heart, and most certainly not for it being a Selah finalist. 

When I keep quiet, I’m really only protecting myself and that comes straight from a place of pride.

What I should have been doing is sharing the great news with anyone and everyone who would listen! I should have been recounting the story—the way God impressed on me the idea to enter the Killer Voices contest, the way He enabled me to write more words than I’ve ever written in a few short months, the way He guided me through selling the book, signing with an agent, and all the crazy steps of the revision and editorial process that ultimately led to the book landing on shelves and in people’s homes.

Covert Justice is not mine. It is His. Any glory or praise Covert Justice receives is also not mine. It is His and His alone.

And I’ve been squelching it out of pride and my own insecurity.

It’s kind of late to do much about it other than send this post out into the world. The awards will be presented tonight and I will be there. I bought new shoes, had a pedicure, and even tried out some new sunless tanner. When I walk into the banquet and people acknowledge Covert Justice, my goal will be to point them to Jesus. To how amazing He is. To how blessed I am to get to have a tiny part in building His Kingdom by writing the stories that He gives me.

I’m not attending so I can soak up the attention and bask in my fifteen minutes of fame.

My prayer, my heart’s desire, is to be a reflection of my Savior. To make His name great and to spread His fame.

I covet your prayers—not that Covert Justice wins—but that God will be glorified.

Click to Tweet: A Few Thoughts on tonight's #SelahAwards2016 at #BRMCWC. 

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