Blue Ridge Sunday

So. I'm here.

I met some lovely people in line during registration - several of whom I had already met online. It's been fun to put faces to names. And I continue to be humbled and amazed at God's goodness. He has placed people in my life that have helped me prepare for this week and I am so thankful!

I found my room with no trouble and even managed to find a parking space that tilts ever so slightly down and has a curb - I do not trust Brian's parking brake so this gave me extra peace of mind that I wouldn't be the one known as "that girl whose car went down the mountain in the middle of the night."

Of course, in true "newbie" style, I managed to get lost.

Really.

Picture it. Me. Tote bag over my shoulder. Wandering the halls of a building looking for an exit, and then eventually just turning around and going back out the door I came in and wandering in what I hoped was the right direction.

I did eventually find the building I was looking for - totally by accident.

Since then, it's been pretty busy. I've had a class, dinner, and got to hear Jerry B. Jenkins - who it turns out is very funny. I didn't expect to laugh so much.

So, that was Sunday. Now to get ready for Monday.

Ah. Monday. When the fun really begins. Tomorrow I have my critique and my first appointment with an agent.

I'm going to lie down.

Read More

Preparations

What a week!

I'm doing laundry, buying groceries for two weeks, trying to think of every possible scenario that might present itself while I'm away and prepare for it in advance, doing laundry - oh, I already said that. Well, there's enough laundry to deserve a double mention.

On the writing front, I'm almost ready. I'm afraid to say I am ready, because I don't want to jinx it, and because it sounds cocky and because it isn't true.

I'm as ready as I'm gonna get.

That's more like it.

But all this preparation and angst - I'll be away from my family for 6 of the next 8 days - got me thinking.

Scary, I know.

I got to thinking about how Jesus might have felt as he prepared to leave the disciples. Now, Jesus, being God and knowing everything, could have just been like "Oh, they'll be fine" and left it at that. But Jesus, being human and experiencing everything we feel didn't do that. He asked the Father (you can look it up - John 14) to send the disciples a Comforter who would stay with them (and us) forever.

Now, in my case, I know my children will be fine. They have a wonderful father who is more than capable of dressing, bathing and feeding them. They'll have a blast since they get to hang out with Grandma and Aunt Jennifer the whole time. So I'm not worried. I'm not. Quit laughing. I. Am. Not. Worried.

But think of what Jesus saw when He looked at his disciples. Talk about children. Children with the spiritual maturity of a five year old on a good day. Children who couldn't seem to stay out of trouble. Children who needed Him. Desperately.

And He saw us. Two thousand years later. Often with the spiritual maturity of a three year old on a bad day. Children who need Him desperately.

So the Father sent the Comforter. And Jesus sits at the right hand and intercedes on our behalf. Because while He is not here physically with us, He loves us. He misses us. He longs for the day when the Father says "Go" and He can bring us to where He is. Forever.

I have some friends who are hurting today. They've recently lost fathers and grandfathers. They celebrated Mother's Day, knowing it would be the last time they got to do that with their mom on earth. They've gotten bad news from test results and the future looks grim.

I've been there. I know the ache and confusion of wondering why God doesn't fix this or that.

I don't have the answers.

But I know my Jesus. And I know He loves us.

I know that the love I feel for my children is a fraction of the love He feels for us.

And I know that as much as I would never leave my children without preparing them for my absence, my Savior prepared us to go through life without his physical presence.

I know the Holy Spirit is present, praying for them when all they can do is cry. I know that Jesus is interceding on their behalf. I know that the Everlasting Arms of the Father are wrapped around them even as they feel like their world is crumbling.

I know He is holding them - and me - tight in His mighty hand. And there is no safer place to be.

Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet, I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. (Isaiah 49:15-16a ESV)

Read More

Juggling Act

I can play the piano.

I can knit.

I can't juggle.

But that doesn't stop me from trying.

Me and every other mom I know.

There's the house that needs to be cleaned. At least occasionally.

There's the laundry that has to be done. At least washed and dried. Folding is optional.

There's the cooking that is required. Or at least the takeout to be ordered.

Most of the mom's I know either have a job outside the home or the equivalent time commitments at school, church or in the community. They are room moms, Sunday school teachers, volunteers. They serve on committees, coach ball teams, organize fundraisers. They homeschool, lead small groups, sing in choirs.

Oh, and on top of that they are supposed to find time to exercise. Yeah. Right.

I don't know any moms that don't struggle with the juggle. Even when we try to scale back, the workload is overwhelming.

Because with all that, we haven't mentioned our core roles as wives. mothers, daughters of the Most High.

I want to do it all. I can't.

Right now, I'm juggling a full calendar, a writers conference, a major school decision, a child with a cold, a husband who has to deal with the financial markets daily, a house that needs to be cleaned, a pile of laundry I don't want to tackle, the list goes on and on. And if you're reading this, you can fill in the blanks with your own list I'm sure.

If I'm honest, there are a few things on my list that don't have to be there.

I said yes when I should have said no.

I'm not great at the "no" part. But I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I can't do the things I'm called to do if my life is cluttered with good things, but things that don't need to there.

I'm encouraged by something our pastor said last Sunday.

When God calls you to something, He will provide everything you need to accomplish it.

But I can't help but note that he didn't say anything about God providing everything we need to accomplish all the stuff we pile on because we think we should or we don't want to hurt someone's feelings or look bad at the next PTA meeting.

Come unto Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly of heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  (Matthew 11:28-30 ESV)

So as a Mother's Day gift to myself, I'll be spending some time over the next few weeks asking God to show me what taking on His yoke means for me. And asking Him to show me what needs to be taken from around my neck and laid aside.

I'll still be juggling more than I think I can manage.

And that's OK. As Beth Moore pointed out in her study on Esther, God is never going to give me a life I can manage, because then I would go and do just that!

But I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. (Phil. 4:13)

Maybe even juggle!

Read More

Two Weeks

So, the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writer's Conference (talk about a mouthful) is two weeks away.

Two.

Insert Darth Vader theme music here. Extra points if you add in the heavy, ominous breathing for the full effect.

Are you getting the idea that I'm starting to panic?

You would be correct!

So, in order to distract myself from the things I should be doing - like polishing my one-sheet and practicing my elevator pitch - I've been thinking about a few things missing from the conference preparation.

Keep in mind, I've never been, so maybe I'm wrong.

For example, when perusing the class schedule and realizing I need to clone myself at least eight times in order to take every class I want, I decided there is one class that they really need to consider adding.

Goal Setting for the Fiction Writer - this class will help you set realistic goals, both for your writing and your life. Topics covered will include:

• You cannot complete a manuscript, edit, polish and prepare a full fiction proposal for said manuscript, while also polishing and preparing a proposal for the one completed manuscript you have in the three months prior to the conference. While your hero is able to hunt down the bad guys and save the girl on three hours of sleep, you are a grouchy, ill-tempered mama when you don't get at least seven hours. Take it slow sister. One manuscript at a time, thank you.
• You cannot lose ten pounds in three weeks. While your heroine may be 5'2" and 110 pounds and prefers to drink French roast coffee - black, you, my dear, are a 5'3", slightly heavier than 110 pound southern girl with an addiction to sweet tea who only drinks coffee loaded with sugar, milk and chocolate. There is a Liquid Highway less than two miles from your home and you drive past it twice a day, five days a week. Given the stress levels inherent with conference preparation . . . honey, you don't stand a chance.

And then there's the matter of "what to expect" at the conference. Our Yahoo group has seen post after post regarding proper attire (side bar - most of these are from women - the guys don't seem fussed about it) and tips on how to be organized. I've seen great suggestions for wearing flat shoes (lots of walking) and carrying breath mints (don't want to fry that uber-agent's eyebrows off).

But there have been a few suggestions that no one has offered and I can't imagine why. For example:

1. Do not, under any circumstances, order spaghetti or fried chicken. Do I really need to explain this?
2. Do not wear white. Although, if you adhere to tip #1 you might be able to get by with it.
3. Do pack at least two changes of clothing for each day because as soon as you go to breakfast, you are going to spill tea down your pants or dribble syrup on your shirt (note - add pancakes and french toast to the "do not order" list). Moments after this event, you will come face to face with the "ONE EDITOR YOU'VE BEEN PRAYING FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO" and you'll have huge sweat rings under your arms by the time the conversation is over because the whole time you're trying to pitch your devotional or romantic suspense novel you'll be wondering if that editor has noticed that it looks like you have a bladder control issue and you want to explain about the tea but you don't want to call attention to it on the off chance she didn't notice. Bottom line, you'll need to change clothes at least once, maybe twice a day. Be prepared.
4. Carry dental floss, Kleenex and a small mirror with you at all times. Pop into bathrooms frequently and check your teeth and nose. You don't want to be all confident because you just delivered your best pitch ever, only to walk into your room and realize there's a poppy seed (note - add poppy seed muffins to the "do not order" list) stuck in your teeth or a booger hanging out of your nose. I'm just stating the facts here, people. It has happened (see one of my favorite blogs - the ScribbleChicks - if you don't believe me).

Thankfully, my caffeine and chocolate powered imagination has already come up with all of this and I'll be the best prepared newbie there! Whoohoo!

Unless . . . all those other newbies stepped away from the mochas and actually spent their time preparing for the conference. You know by praying. And having their one-sheets, synopsis, first chapters and proposals all critiqued, maybe even several months ago. And by praying. And reading books written by the faculty members. And praying. And memorizing the bio of every agent and editor who will be attending. And praying.

Two weeks.

Uh-oh.

I think I'll start with the praying. Feel free to join me.

Read More

Fake?

I am so fake.

From head to toe.

Don't believe me?

I have NO idea what my natural hair color is. Haven't seen it in years. Don't want to. My guess is that it is some sort of flat brown with a lot of gray. I have a wonderful stylist who colors my hair every ten weeks. I consider it money well spent.

Then, there's my face. I'm not one of those people who won't leave the house without makeup. But let me tell you, when I put it on, the one thing I never forget is my eyebrow pencil. Why? Because I have NO eyebrows! I mean, they exist. But they are so blond you can't see them. Trust me when I say that having eyebrows makes a huge difference in the way your face looks.

As I type these words, I am wearing teeth whitening strips. I want my pearly whites to be pearly white come conference time. Does this really matter? Were they so hideous before? No. But it makes me feel better.

The lotion I've been using since capri weather struck has a tint in it. This is basically so I can go out in public wearing shorts without blinding innocent bystanders.

See what I mean? Fake hair, eyebrows, teeth, legs. All fake.

I can live with that. But what I'm struggling with today is the rest of me. The inside of me.

The real me.

I want to be the kind of person who actually lives out what I believe. But faking it comes so easily. I think it's even easier for those of us who were born and raised in the church. For whom "Christianese" is our first language. You can't scare me with words like justification, sanctification and propitiation. I can talk doctrine, quote scripture, and offer up any number of spiritual platitudes. No sweat. And if you want to challenge me to a sword drill, you are on!

But does it really matter how quickly I can find Galatians 5:22-23 if I don't live a life that bears the fruit of the Spirit?

Does it matter if I know I am justified and sanctified by faith through grace and that it is not of myself if I keep trying to do it all by myself (Eph. 2:8-9)?

Why is it so much easier to get hung up on following the rules than it is to focus on the relationship?

I try so hard to do it all and fail miserably. Then I feel like a fraud - a fake - a wannabe. Satan attacks, reminding me that I know better and still keep making the same mistakes.

But then the Spirit intercedes and reminds me that "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Rom. 8:1)

The verse popped into my head, but I had no context. Guess what I found when I looked it up? This verse comes right after Romans 7:15 - 25 which begins with Paul saying "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do the thing I want, but I do the very thing I hate." It's a tongue twister, but it hits me right where I live and makes me feel a little better.

'Cause I bet you've never heard anyone say "That Apostle Paul, he was so fake".

Romans 8 ends with these words: In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

In this, I put my hope.

There is nothing I can do to make God love me more. There is nothing I can do to make God love me less. I am His and He is mine.

And there is nothing fake about that.

photo courtesy of photobucket.com

Read More

Monday Morning

So, it's Monday. 8:45 A.M.

I've already changed four diapers - two of which I probably should have been wearing a hazmat suit for - and apologized to two three people.

I'm on a roll!

Last week was crazy. But wonderful. I got to spend most of it with my dad, which was awesome. And, we tore out all my downstairs carpet and replaced everything. This is not the time for me to go on my "I hate carpet" rant. Trust me when I say that ripping it out was a cathartic experience!

The downside to last week was that I did absolutely no writing or editing. I also got way behind on email, voicemail and facebook (hence the apologies of the morning). Oh crud. When I finish this, I'll have to apologize to someone else - I missed a meeting. Drat.

Anyway. As I am new to this whole "I am a writer" business, there was one unexpected benefit to having a week made up of mostly manual labor and no time or energy for writing.

My creative brain is overflowing this morning!

While I was tearing out carpet, cutting boards, measuring walls, painting molding, spackling (I think the word "spackle" is cool - go ahead and laugh) - I managed to work out quite a bit of the plot of my next book. In fact, I'm going to have to take a few minutes this morning and jot down some notes so I don't forget all lovely plot twists I thought of last week.

Maybe taking a week to do something totally unrelated is a good idea.

Of course, a check of the calendar indicates that I have exactly 20 days to finish polishing my manuscript, perfect my elevator pitch and one-sheets, by some new clothes (that part might not be a requirement, we'll call it a perk) and lose 10 pounds (hey, I write fiction).

I need to do all that while keeping my children and husband clothed and fed, visiting some potential classrooms for Emma next year, coordinating some teacher appreciation stuff (yep, I'm the room mom), promoting the CDS Fun Fest (June 4th - mark your calendars) and making a run to Vanderbilt for my sister's graduation (go Jennifer - you rock!).

Could someone PLEASE schedule me a massage?

Read More

Out of the Boat - Part 2

I have a very active imagination.

I know what you're thinking . . . "Yeah, we sorta figured that out ever since you admitted that you've been walking around with detailed, novel length stories in your head. You're a loon."

True. I take full responsibility for my own weirdness.

But, I find having a very active imagination to be a gift. When I read verses like Eph. 3:20 where it says that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or imagine . . . well, I think . . . whoohoo! Bring it! 'Cause this girl can imagine some pretty amazing scenarios!!

So I started wondering about the other disciples in the boat. There they are, the twelve, thinking this might be their last night because they are losing the fight. Jesus shows up, walking across the rolling seas. And Peter. I do love Peter. Talk about a man with an imagination. I mean, really! Where did he come up with this? "If you are who you say you are, ask me to come to you on the water." What kind of question is that? But that's not really the point of this post - that's a freebie!

Sometimes I find the things Scripture doesn't tell us as interesting as what it does. We have no idea what the eleven guys in the boat did while Peter was tiptoeing over the waves. But our own experience gives us some good ideas.

So picture it. Imagine it was you in the boat. And your buddy starts climbing out. What would you do?

"Peter! Don't!" Frightened hands reaching to restrain him.

"I always knew he'd do something stupid and get himself killed. He just doesn't think." Deep sigh.

"Show off." Eyes rolling.

"Who does he think he is? He can't walk on water. He's always been a bit arrogant but really, this is taking it to extremes. When he goes down, we're all going to get wet trying to save his sorry self." Righteous indignation.

I find it interesting that while the account of Jesus walking on the water is found in Matthew, Mark and John, only Matthew records Peter's part in the drama. I wonder if John was embarrassed that he didn't think of it first. I know . . . I know . . . Scripture is inspired and clearly God wanted Matthew to tell the story. I get it. Just work with me here!

Maybe Matthew was the one who was most jealous. Or most impressed. Keep in mind, they all heard Jesus. They knew Jesus had called Peter to come. They didn't just have to take his word for it. But still . . . he got out of a boat. In the middle of a storm.

I have some friends who are "out of the boat" - and in far more spectacular ways than me.

An acquaintance at church who, even though she has young children at home, has opened up her home and heart to foster children in need. I am blown away by that! I'm not sure I could do it.

A dear friend who, even though it makes absolutely no sense to most people, has put her home on the market. Why? They are downsizing their lives so they can be better positioned to go on short term missions trips. To Africa! With the whole family! I've known this girl for years. She's been a faithful and dear friend, but it was only a few months ago when she said "I've always had a heart for Africa." Really? I had NO IDEA.

I could go on. I know of two others who are serving on foreign fields. Single. No real hope of ever marrying. But they felt the call and they answered it.

And the biggest question they hear is "Why?" And sadly, when they say, "Because I felt called to do it" people often look at them like they've lost their minds.

I've wondered about my own reactions. When I hear of someone who is living their life, totally and completely sold out to Christ. Willing to take whatever steps they feel him calling them to take. Even if it seems nuts. Have I looked down my nose? "Don't they know what this will do to their children?" Questioned the timing? "Maybe that would be fine in a few years, but now?" Wondered what their decision might cost me? "They are so selfish - I'll have to pick up the slack."

No, we don't have the benefit of hearing the call ourselves. But maybe we should remember that for the one who is called, there is only one option.

Getting out of the boat made NO SENSE!

But getting out of the boat was the ONLY thing that made sense.

Because Jesus said "Come"!

Read More