Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Where Do You Live?

Where do you live?

I don’t mean geographically. I mean day-to-day. Hour-by-hour. Minute-by-minute.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I’ve come to this conclusion.

I live in that murky place where fear and faith collide.

You might not realize this, but I know a few things about fear. I’m not afraid of heights, spiders, small spaces, or long bridges.

I’m afraid of people.

People like you.

I'm not afraid of being in crowds and I don't have panic attacks at the thought of going to a party. But I do spend a ridiculous amount of time worrying about what people think about me. Did they like the last blog post? (Maybe). Did I talk too much at that party? (Probably). Are my clothes so boring that I’m a good candidate for What Not to Wear? (Likely). Am I the butt of many a joke when I’m not around? (Hard to say).

Of course, the most important question is, Why do I care?

I know who I am. I’m a child of the King. I was created in the image of the Most High. Designed by my Maker for a unique purpose in His Kingdom. My personality, likes, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses are all a part of His master plan.

I know this. In my head.

But my heart struggles to live where faith trumps fear. Every day is a battle between my desire to stay in the boat and the call to step out in faith and walk on the water.

That world out there—out of the boat—is a wild place. There are rip-currents of confusion and tsunamis of criticism. Staying on the water requires faith in and focus on the One who calls.

Sometimes I jump out and run for it before my mind can stop me. Some days I hang onto the sides, heart racing, unable to move.

Most days, I’m right there where my fear and faith collide. I’m out of the boat, but I’m not necessarily on the water. I start strong, but then I waver. I get wet—a lot. I sink, cry out, fall into grace, and time and time again, my Savior steadies my steps and mercifully allows me to try again.

Every blog post, every word of fiction, and every devotion you read that has my name on it is a little piece of me. A visible souvenir of the war between my desire to live hidden and my desire to live obedient.

I don’t know where you live. I don’t know what God’s asking you to do. I don’t know what risks you need to take.

I do know that it's worth it. And if you’d like to share what God is calling you to do in the comments, I’d love to pray with you as we step out in faith together.

Psalm 119:133-135 ~ Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me. Redeem me from man’s oppression that I may keep your precepts. Make your face shine upon your servant , and teach me your statutes. (ESV)


Tammy said...

Thank you for the encouragement to trust Him and step out of the boat. Not sure how I missed your blog in the past but now I am hooked:)
Tammy Aul

Susie said...

I just deleted my first comment because I was afraid someone might misunderstand,lol. If I can't even comment on a blog without fear, how will I ever handle the big things?
Only in His strength, by His grace.

Lynn Huggins Blackburn said...

Tammy - Hi! Thanks so much for that kind comment! I'm trying to remember...I think I was probably blogging when we were in Bible study together, but I didn't talk about it much. The whole fear thing :-). I'm so glad what you found here was encouraging!
Mom - that is the ONLY way! I love you!

Sandra said...

I just want you to know your posts always make me think, cry and most of the time laugh. Today's was a bit on the deeper side of thinking. Truly I need to depend more on Him and less on me. Pray that I will follow His will not mine, and just depend completely on him...In Christ alone. Love you!

Debra Koontz Traverso said...

"I do know that it's worth it." Love this. Yes, the risk is worth it. Thanks for reminder.

Lynn Huggins Blackburn said...

Oh Sandra - Thanks! Love you too!
Debra - Sometimes I forget what I know is true...but I do know!!

Sharon R Hoover said...

I loved reading your post, Lynn! Well, actually my heart raced as I read and so closely related to your description of the rip-currents and tsunamis of life and relationships. Thanks for your honesty and for taking time to write it down!
Blessings to you!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting, Lynn! I have those fears also. I have to say though that I have fear at night. When John is out of town, you wouldn't believe the things I do to help calm the fear. It's ludicrous, but I still do it. I have a childhood of experiences that constantly remind me of why I fear. I've read books and so many verses on fear. It's still so hard to overcome.
Thank you for your honesty! Press on!
Suzanne Hopper

Lynn Huggins Blackburn said...

Sharon - Thanks for stopping by! Your blog looks great - looking forward to reading more!

Suzanne - I struggle when Brian is gone - which fortunately is rare. Hearing every little sound and squeak. Let me know next time John is heading out and I'll be praying!