I Blame the Kale

I blame the kale.


All pre-chopped and bagged.
It’s why I took the kids into the store in the first place.

Have you ever been to Trader Joe’s? It’s—interesting. The layout is odd, it’s significantly smaller than I thought it would be, and the shopping carts are tiny.

On this morning, I plopped my three-year-old into the back of the cart and allowed my 5-year-old to ride along on the outside. You know. The way the little diagram on the seat warns against? Yep. That way.

It would have been fine if I hadn’t paused to grab the kale.


That light-weight shopping cart couldn’t handle the combined weight of both boys at one end, and in a flash, it flipped. The three-year-old rode it down and tumbled out with nary a scratch. (I think he enjoyed it). My five-year-old suffered two completely different injuries.

The first was physical. The cart landed on his arm. So minor it never even bruised.

The second was to his heart, and there was nothing minor about that one. He stood there, tears pooling in the eyes he refused to raise from the floor, saying, “I’m sorry, Mama, I’m sorry, Mama” over and over. And because he is so much like me, I knew that his regret had as much to do with causing a scene—with “messing up”—as it did with the trampled flowers and flying strawberries.

Once I’d confirmed no one was bleeding, I sat right there in the middle of Trader Joe’s and whispered, “Baby, it’s fine. You didn't do anything wrong. It was an accident. I’m not upset. I think you’re awesome and I’m so glad you’re okay.”

I want my little man to grow up secure in the knowledge that there is nothing—NOTHING—he can do, that will ever change my feelings for him. He’s going to make messes and he’s going to get hurt, and he needs to know that I am always and forever going to be on his side.

But the truth was that even as I comforted my little guy, I was fighting the voices in my head. You know the ones who point out how everything you just did was W-R-O-N-G. The ones pointing out the workers righting the buggy, the shoppers pausing to see if the kids were okay, someone picking up the kale. All because of my mistake.

By the time we had finished shopping, the voices in my head were screaming. I was replaying the incident from the moment I put the boys in the cart, to the second I turned loose to grab the kale, to the fact that I was so focused on the kids, I never thanked the people who got the buggy back on its wheels or located my strawberries and how rude was that and was I teaching my kids to be ungrateful?

As we approached the cashier, a woman asked if the boys were okay. Then she did the craziest thing. She looked at me and said, “You’re such a great mom. The way you were comforting him . . . you’re doing a great job.”

I wanted to ask her if she’d noticed that I was the “great” mom who’d let her kids be mauled by a red shopping cart, but instead I mumbled something like “Thanks, just glad they weren’t hurt” and moved on before her words made me cry.

It wasn’t until much later that I realized what had happened. That my heavenly Father—who saw the whole thing go down and knows me better than I know myself—chose, in that topsy-turvy moment, to remind me that He thinks I’m awesome. And He used a stranger to say it for Him.

He knows that while I have no trouble believing He loves me when I’m singing praise songs with the kids or volunteering in Sunday school, it’s so much harder to believe when I’ve messed up. Dropped the ball. Blown it.

I don’t know how your Monday has been. How you’ve struggled. Where you’ve failed.
But this I know.
He loves you.
He thinks you’re awesome.

Zephaniah 3:17 - The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. (ESV)

I Blame the Kale - What I learned about God's #love in the produce aisle. #motherhood #faith (Click to Tweet)



***I want to apologize for my lengthy absence.  I spent three months frantically writing a novel and I have no idea what happened to the month of June! I'm hoping to be back here on a more regular basis in the weeks ahead.

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The First to Fall

I saw it yesterday morning, green morphing into yellow.
And then, today, I saw the first to fall.
One lonely leaf, landing at the base of the tree.

I felt sorry for him. 

Imagine it. Poor guy burst out of a blossom a few months ago. He’s hung on through day after day of rain (we’ve had a lot of rain here in South Carolina this summer). He’s held on through storms that removed entire limbs that grew nearby. He’s endured the baking heat that finally showed up at the end of August.

My guess is that he was ready to hang on all winter, but…things changed.

Circumstances beyond his control took hold. Chlorophyll production ended, no matter how hard he tried to keep it going. And now, here he is, laying at the bottom of the tree, while everyone else is still clinging to the branches above.

I wonder if he feels like a failure. Weak for dropping so soon.

I wonder if he’s shocked to find himself on an unexpected path. He never imagined he’d touch the ground, or be the playzone for squealing toddlers, or find himself living out his days tucked in the bumper of a minivan or trapped in a gutter.

Sometimes I feel like that leaf. My guess is that you do, too.

Maybe you feel like a failure because life has gone off on an unexpected path. Circumstances you never wanted or planned for took hold of you and now?

You never imagined the divorce, the unemployment, the silence of an empty womb. You didn’t expect to be living out your days in a shelter or buying your groceries with food stamps. 
You didn’t anticipate the aging parent who has forever altered your perception of the term “empty nest” or the diagnosis that messed with your definition of “healthy.”  
You knew your children would never flunk a class or have a DUI or father a child out of wedlock, and no way you’d ever struggle to get out of bed or fear the depths of the night.

You were ready to hang on to life and make it awesome, but here you are, wondering how on earth you could have fallen so far.

We think falling is bad. A mistake. A catastrophe. A sadness. At times it is. 

But what if, like our leaf, the fall was not a disaster, but was simply the next step in fulfilling your purpose here on earth for this season.

The promotion that didn’t happen puts you on a path that leads to a co-worker’s salvation.
The child who broke your heart puts you on your knees and you find that prayer is more powerful than any other weapon in your arsenal.
The marriage that disintegrated, the finances in disarray, the depression that nearly destroyed you puts you in a place to be used of God in a way no one could have anticipated. Especially not you when you were young, green, and flapping high in that tree.

You aren’t the first to fall and this fall probably won’t be your last.

As you watch the leaves floating on the breeze, settling in the grass, being blown into piles, or ground into mulch, know that while they may be surprised to find themselves no longer flying high in the sky, they aren’t sad.
They are fulfilling their purpose and they find rest in that.

Oh that we could do the same.

Psalm 138:8 ~ The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands. (ESV)

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Let Down

Ever had someone let you down?

It happened to me recently.

At first, I was surprised. I have a fairly optimistic outlook and I tend to expect the best of people, so when they reveal a different side of themselves, it often catches me off guard.

The surprise was followed up with dismay and a lot of self-incrimination. “How could I be that gullible?” and “Am I really that naive?” and “I should have known…”

Now, I’m a “good Christian girl” or at least I try to be. So while I vented to my husband, there were several methods I did NOT take advantage of.

I did not compose a vague but needy Facebook post.

          I did not ....



If you want to read the rest of this post, you'll need to pop over to my dear friend Lori Roeleveld's fabulous site, Deeper with Jesus in Rhode Island. It is an indescribable honor for me to be guest posting there. 

Lori's blog is the first one I recommend whenever someone asks me which bloggers I follow. If you've never visited her site, do it today. And go ahead and sign up to have her posts sent to your email. You'll be amazed by the encouragement (and occasional kick in the rear!) you'll find there!

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Dear Jesus...Amen

I love hearing my kids find their voice as they learn to talk to God.

Emma goes for loud and proud. “Dear Jesus,” she’ll begin, then we usually get a nice pause. This is followed by her thanking Him for something about her day, or the food, or something really random like swings or a television show.
I know God looks forward to her prayers. I believe they make Him smile.

Then there’s James. At four, his prayers are already starting to sound like the prayers he’s heard. He’s likely to ask God to help us “have a great day” or “keep us safe” and he’s been known to throw in a request for frozen yogurt or a trip to the park. He also is starting to question things. 

He recently wanted to know why we say “Amen” at the end of our prayer. I told him what I’ve always been told, that “amen” means “so be it." That went flying over his head, so I backed up and went with, “it’s a word we use to end our prayers.” He hasn’t started saying “goodbye” or “later” so I think he’s good with amen.

Of course, I imagine God cracking up as this little guy starts to have more of a conversation with Him. I think He loves the questions and looks forward to James coming to Him with more complex queries in the years ahead.

And then there’s Drew. At two, his prayers go like this…Dear Jesus…(long pause)…Amen.
It’s cute, right? Adorable really.
He’ll grow more verbose in the months ahead.

But I wonder if God kinda wishes he wouldn’t.

I wonder if He wishes more of us prayed the way Drew does.

Dear Jesus…(long pause…sitting quietly, waiting for Him) … so be it.

So often, I try to tell God everything I need, because I know what I need. I try to explain the mess, because I know all the ins and outs of the situation. I try to propose a solution, because I’ve been thinking about this for a while.

Wait…why am I praying again?

Maybe we could all take a lesson from Drew. Maybe we need to approach the throne, not with a laundry list of desires, but with one desire.

Dear Jesus…whatever You want…so be it.

Amen.

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Commit to Staying Plugged In This Summer

My two-year-old learned a hard lesson this week.

The iPod doesn’t work unless it’s been charged.

He doesn’t care that it has a cracked screen or that the operating system is so old we can’t download new apps to it—he loves to push the buttons and find the pictures and listen to the music.

But yesterday, all he got was a blank screen. That thing was D.E.A.D.

Unfortunately, no matter how many times I placed the iPod on the charger and tried to explain, all he wanted was to play with his toy. So he’d yank it off the charger as soon as the silver apple appeared on the screen, and then wail in anguish when it promptly disappeared.

I couldn’t make him understand that I was more than willing for him to use the iPod but until it spent some time plugged into the power source….

It. Would. Not. Work.

I wonder if God does the same thing with us. I wonder if He continues to draw us to Him. To His Word. To His house. To His people. But we are so immature, we simply can’t get it through our heads that if we continue to play and live and work without plugging in to Him that…

It. Will. Not. Work.

We will falter. We will sin. We will drift.

This may come as a shock, but we are in a battle. Spiritual warfare is all around us. And here’s the simple truth.

Christians don’t get to take the summer off.

No matter how many days we plan to spend at the lake, or the beach, or the pool, spending some time plugged into the source of Power is the only way to get through the days ahead without our screens going blank and our effectiveness for the Kingdom disappearing.

We are either drawing closer to Him or we are pulling away from Him. There is no in between.

 

Disconnecting from June-August (or, let’s call it like it really is, from May-September) and expecting to still be growing in our faith is as ludicrous as Drew believing his little hand-me-down iPod will work without spending some time on the charger.

So here’s the challenge.

Stay in the Word. Keep moving toward Him. Don’t let September roll around and be so drained you have to take until Christmas to get your spiritual strength back to where it is now.

Commit to staying plugged in this summer.

 

My dear friend, Ginger, and I are going to be working through a study on Gideon by Priscilla Shirer. (You can read the blog post from Beth Moore about it here). If you’d like some accountability (because I’m not pretending this is easy!) we’d love for you to join us. Get the book, and be ready to start next Tuesday. I’ll be blogging about it as we go through the summer.

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The Kids Need Rest

As a Mother, I’m tuned to the needs of my children.

I know when the whining has more to do with hunger than attitude. When the fighting has more to do with cabin fever than hostility. When the drama has more to do with fatigue than the situation at hand.

 

This is why most moms I know consider nap time to be sacrosanct. We plan our days—our lives—around that window every afternoon for one simple reason.

Our kids need rest.

We know that when they don’t get enough rest, they turn from chubby-cheeked cherubs to tiny terrors faster than they can spill chocolate ice cream on a white t-shirt.

As mothers, we have a bit more patience with the exhausted child who can’t handle the challenges of supper time. I will often look at my husband and say, “He only slept for an hour” or “She woke up at 5:30 a.m.” as explanation for a meltdown over something as trivial as the color of a cup or the amount of ketchup on a plate.

We aren’t excusing their behavior, but we recognize that in this moment, they simply don’t have all the tools they need to cope with life. Their little bodies are desperate for rest and a good night’s sleep will smooth out their bad attitudes and grouchy dispositions.

I was thinking about this today as I replaced the Spider Man sheets on my four-year-old’s bed—and was wishing I could crawl in it and fall asleep.

As I tucked pillows into cases I could feel God’s whisper in my heart...

 

“Honey, I know you need some rest.”

I’ve been in the toddler trenches for ten years, but my current fatigue is far more emotional than physical and it runs deep. And to tell you the truth, I’ve been a bit of a brat lately. Grouchy toward a lot of people. Grouchy toward life. Grouchy toward God.

I tend to assume God wishes I would just grow up already and quit acting like a baby.

But as I placed Spider Man face up on the bed (because the other way is “wrong”) all I could feel was His arms wrapped around me. Squeezing me close. Holding me up. Reminding me that He created me—a mother—in His image.

My ability to be tuned to my children’s needs? It comes from Him.

God is tuned to our needs.

 

He knows His kids need rest.

 

He knows we don’t always have the tools we need to cope with life. He knows a good night’s week’s month’s sleep could smooth out bad attitudes and grouchy dispositions.

He doesn’t look at us in disgust and exasperation when our nerves are frayed and our tempers are short.

He looks at us with love and tenderness. He’s not excusing our behavior, but He knows—HE KNOWS—we need rest. He created us this way.

I think, if you’ll listen, you’ll hear His invitation.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Happy Mother’s Day. May you find your ultimate rest in Him.

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Outward Appearance

Emma getting ready to flip over the bar.

Last Friday night, our family had the privilege of watching a Special Olympics gymnastics meet. There were many amazing moments—the flair each athlete brought to their floor exercise, the impressive balance demonstrated on the beam, the jumps on the vault, and our own Emma’s bar routine that she had mastered minutes before the competition began.

But there was one young man who captured my attention. His body is bent and twisted, and I’ve assumed he participates in gymnastics to help him stretch and straighten his limbs.

I had no idea the boy has SKILLS!

I know better.

I have a child with special needs.

I know not to assume that small size or specific facial features or the inability to talk means that the person living inside that body isn’t a fascinating, unique individual with opinions and extraordinary abilities.

But I was unprepared for what happened when this young man approached the high bar. He needed help stepping up on the squishy mats and as he stood under the bar, I wondered what his body could do?

Well, he showed us.

The coach lifted him up and he grasped the bar with both hands. As soon as she stepped away, he pulled himself up until his chin cleared the bar. Then he let himself back down and pulled his knees up to the bar. Then he hung there and twisted his entire body round by 180 degrees before letting go and landing back on the mat.

The crowd went wild as he made his way back to his seat, and I fought tears as I realized that I had allowed my assumptions to cloud my ability to see how extraordinary he is. It takes incredible strength to do what he did. More strength than I have. And not only physical strength, but mental and emotional strength to refuse to allow his body to hold him back!

Me, Emma, and Brian - after the meet.

I thought about him again this morning as I read the story of Samuel anointing David to be king. Each time Samuel thought he’d picked the right son of Jesse, God said no, reminding Samuel that He was not interested in the outward appearance, but the heart.

I know we all want our children and grandchildren to have role models to look up to.

Can I make a suggestion?

Don’t rule out the young woman with Down Syndrome or the young man with Cerebral Palsy.

Imagine what kind of adults our children would grow to be if we could teach them the skill of looking for the heart of the person rather than making assumptions based on their outward appearance.

I’m almost 39, and clearly, I’m still learning.

How about you?

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A Playlist for the Broken

So many things are messed up. So many people I love are hurting. So many friends are broken.

And while I’m a lifetime member of the “I can fix this” club, there are some things I cannot fix. Some hurts I cannot heal. Some wrongs I cannot right. Some hearts wearing scars I cannot fade.

But I know Someone who can. So I pray.

And I pray.

And I pray.

When God answers, I rejoice.

When he doesn’t? I beat my head against the back of my chair and I look at my husband with tears streaming and I say, “I’ve prayed so hard. So hard. And it hasn’t done any good.”

I am broken.

And I cannot fix myself.

I have so much in common with Eve.

I think I know best. In fact, I think—although I never say this out loud because good Christian girls know better—that maybe God hasn’t thought this out as well as I have. Because if He had, He would agree with me. 100%.

I want my way.

And when God’s way makes no sense to me?

My faith cracks. Sometimes it’s a tiny fissure. Sometimes a gaping cavern.

Always it’s a wound. A wound that will not—cannot—heal without Him.

It’s at this point that I have a choice. We all have a choice.

We can stay broken, wounded, bleeding. Live out our lives miserable and bitter.

We can try to fix ourselves. Patch up the wound with whatever feels good. Cover up the scars with laughter and a heavy layer of denial.

Or we can let Him fix us.

We lay it all out there. Our hurt, our confusion, our anger, our desperation. We hold back nothing from Him.

We believe with the shards of faith we have left and we beg Him to help our unbelief.

And He does.

When He takes our broken pieces and puts them back together, the craziest things happens.

Our faith grows back . . . stronger than before.

But how do you do it? When faith stumbles? When belief wavers? When you don’t know where to start?

For me, it’s music. Songs that give voice to my pain and confusion. Songs that remind me of what I believe. Songs that help me worship when I don’t feel like it.

Here is my playlist for the broken. If you're hurting today, I invite you to listen. Just listen. Let Him put you back together again. Stronger than before.



Abba - It hurts. So much. Nothing will ever be the same. It feels like nothing will ever be right again. We don't understand. But we choose You. Over getting our way. Over what we think is best. Over having what we want. We choose You. We choose to believe that You are God and that there is no one like you. You are worthy of our praise. Father, we believe. Help our unbelief.

(edited from the archives)

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How Do You Actually DO This?

Last week’s post – Are we taking the “RunPee” approach to the Bible? – generated some interesting feedback both in the comments and in person.
The basic gist of it was this….it’s all well and good to say we need to read and embrace all of Scripture, but we don’t want to just go through the motions.
How do you actually DO this?
To answer that question, I’m going to give you a brief rundown of what I do to help me through the more challenging parts of Scripture. It’s not the only way, but it works for me.
1. Pray about it. I know that sounds like the Sunday School answer, but it’s the most important and very first step. If you’re a believer, the Holy Spirit lives in you. He is more than willing to open your mind and eyes to the nuggets tucked away in random Old Testament passages. Ask Him!
2. Don’t panic. When you read three chapters in Leviticus and have absolutely NO IDEA what you just read…That is OK! Some days you’ll close your Bible and say, “Well, God, um, that was, um, well, I have no idea what that was!” Don’t let days like that make you feel like you’re missing something. Again, the Holy Spirit will show you what He wants you to see. Keep showing up and giving Him the chance!
3. Bible in Five videos. These videos, produced by Blackhawk Church (the people who developed the Eat This Book program we are doing this year) are fabulous. They help you get the big picture of the entire book, which makes it easier to see how it all fits, especially when you have a day where nothing makes sense!
4. Study Bible. I prefer to read out of a Bible with minimal notes, but I’ve recently pulled out our massive ESV Study Bible as backup! I usually read out of my Bible, but keep the study Bible nearby so I can check the notes when something is confusing. You can get a “personal size” ESV Study Bible from Amazon for $15. It contains all the notes in the regular ESV Study Bible and then moves some of the longer articles on-line where you get free access.  I haven’t purchased the personal size yet, but it’s just a matter of time. :-)
5. Patience. Depending on your background, some of this stuff may not only be dry, it may be brand new. Think of it like building a house. You are laying the foundation right now. It’s not flashy. It can be downright boring. But you’ve got to have the foundation before you get to see the masterpiece the architect has designed.
I hope that helps! I’d love for you to share your favorite Bible study tips in the comments!

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Are We Taking the "RunPee" Approach to the Bible?

How many times have you been sitting in a theater—jumbo Coke and large popcorn forgotten—trying to concentrate on the movie while another part of your brain is analyzing each scene for an opportunity make a mad dash to the restroom.

 

Well, there's an app for that. It's called RunPee and it can make your movie going experience far more enjoyable.

 

I'm not making this up!

You can check to see when the best times are to “run pee” during the movie—then, when you have to make a dash, you know you aren’t missing anything important. The good folks at RunPee have determined which minutes you can miss without impeding your understanding of the story, and just to be sure, they provide a handy summary of what happens during your time away.

You slide back into your seat, take a sip of Coke, and pick up right where you left off.

While this works great for movies, I see a lot of believers taking the "RunPee" approach to the Bible. There are sections that just don’t seem to be moving the narrative forward. You’ve got Leviticus and the repetition of laws and detailed instructions on sacrifices. Sacrifices, I might add, that are no longer necessary because of Jesus, so we can totally skip that part.

Right?

Then Numbers starts off with a few chapters only an accountant could love. List after list of people with difficult to pronounce names and lots of, well, numbers.

And can we go ahead and talk about the genealogies. Hellllo? This guy begat this guy who begat this guy…Can you say snoozefest?

Of course, most believers I know would never say such a thing. We toe the party line...“If God put it in the Bible then it’s important.”

The deep down truth is that we don’t believe it. Those verses are fine for skimming (or skipping when you fall behind on your Read through the Bible in a Year plan).

So you slide into your recliner, take a sip of coffee, and pick up in Joshua or Matthew 2.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to pretend that my soul is stirred when I read about purification rituals or the procedure for sacrificing a bird, but this is the Bible we’re talking about, not the latest Hollywood attempt at entertainment. I’m not reading it because I want to feel good or get a laugh (although I frequently do).

I’m reading it because I want to know the One who wrote it. I want to understand the Story I’m living in.

All those numbers and rituals and genealogies? They make my reading of the New Testament richer and my appreciation for grace deeper.

 

I see my Jesus in a way I’ve never seen Him before, and my Jesus is so amazing that I don’t want to miss even one second of His story.

So tell me…how do YOU feel about Leviticus, Numbers, genealogies, or other difficult to digest parts of Scripture? Have you always skipped over them? If you’ve slogged through, have you seen things you’ve missed before? Let’s talk about it in the comments!

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When God Doesn't Clear the Obstacles

One of my favorite things about reading through the Bible is finding verses that I’ve never noticed before.

A few weeks ago, I found a little nugget tucked away in Exodus.

The Israelites are camped out at Mt. Sinai and God is promising them that when they go into Canaan, they will be victorious. There’s all sorts of awesome promises about angels going before them to guard the way and how God would be the enemy of their enemies. There’s even a really interesting one where God promises to send hornets into the land to drive out the Hivites, the Canaanites, and the Hittites.

Then, God drops in this little aside.

“I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the wild beasts multiply against you. Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased and possess the land.” (Exodus 23:29-30)

Honestly, it seems pretty obvious to me why He did this. With what we know about the Israelites abysmal short term memory, if He’d cleared out the Promised Land in one fell swoop, they would have forgotten before they got half a mile in. Then they would have complained about wild beasts and overgrown fields while calculating how many days it would take to get back to Egypt.

I can see this so clearly when it comes to the ancient Hebrews, but I don’t like it so much when God applies this same principle to my own life.

I want God to give me a nice yellow brick road. A straight, obstacle free path leading from where I am to where He wants me to be.

Instead, He shows me my own Promised Land, promises He will never leave me or forsake me, and teaches me to trust Him in and through each obstacle—the ones He chooses to clear aside and the ones He chooses to allow me to endure.

All the while, I’m growing, learning, changing, and preparing to possess the land.

When I get there, I’ll appreciate every square inch of it, because I will have seen—and will remember—how God cleared the way.

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A Different Kind of Margin

I have not been in a “bloggy” mood lately, which is weird for me. I love this blog. I love opening up my laptop and watching my scrambled thoughts morph into something that makes sense. At least to me.

Most of the time, I have three or four blog posts ready to go, but for the past couple of months, I’ve felt dry. Uninspired.

Empty.

Which is why I decided to take an unscheduled blog break.

For two weeks, I haven’t attempted to blog at all. I’ve journaled some during my quiet time (with a pen if you can imagine it!), and I’ve spent several hours on my fiction work-in-progress (the opening scene is my absolute favorite thing I’ve ever written, which probably means I’ll have to delete it, but for the moment, I’m quite pleased), but I’ve avoided anything that could look like a blog post.

I’ve been busy living my life instead.

• I’ve planned and more or less succeeded in pulling off a double birthday party for my ten-year-old daughter and two-year old son.
• I’ve taken my children for a long overdue trip to the Children’s Museum (we now have annual passes—that place is awesome)!
• I’ve done a lot of normal things like laundry and meal planning.
• I've played all sorts of random games with my kids. 
• I’ve enjoyed an oh-so-peaceful afternoon sitting in our “library” with my husband while snow fell in fancy flakes and piled up on the ground until we couldn’t stand it anymore and he retrieved all three kids from grandma’s house so we could build a snowman together.
• I’ve started training for a 5K (that’s going to be interesting).
• I’ve gotten a new haircut. I love it and have almost figured out how to fix it on my own.
• I’ve been reading Leviticus, which everyone agrees can be a bit of a slog-fest, and have been stunned to discover how much great stuff is in there. Sure, there’s a fair amount of repetition with regards to long lobes of the liver and fat and entrails. And there’s no question that it’s a bloody book. Despite that, over and over again I find myself in awe, because unless we get just how onerous the Law was, how can we ever hope to appreciate the beauty and generosity of Grace?

After a few weeks of giving myself the margin to do a lot of ordinary things and a few things out of the ordinary, my heart is full and my thoughts are scrambled. I’m itching to start making sense of them again. I hope you’ll join me in the weeks ahead.

Grace and peace,

Lynn

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The Pinterest Perplexity

It can’t just be me.

Please say it isn’t just me.

I love Pinterest! I see the those little rectangles filled with beautifully staged food, artfully arranged mantles, adorably posed children, and I think…

How hard could it be?

Well, I have some homemade hand soap that feels like snot, a goofy looking Valentine’s Day door wreath, and some apples with a caramel filling that refused to stick to prove that just because something looks easy, it doesn’t mean it is.

My most recent Pinterest disaster fiasco experience?

A workout.

Now, I don’t claim to be fit, but I regularly make it through an hour-long Body Combat class and am able to walk to my car unassisted. So when I saw an at-home workout, I thought it might be a great thing to add to my repertoire for the days I can’t make it to the gym.

This particular workout had nine elements. It said to repeat it three times and it should take approximately 25 minutes.

Um. I don’t think so.

I thoroughly intended to do the whole thing three times. About 15 jumping jacks in, it occurred to me that this might be harder than I’d imagined.

When I finished the final element—a 60 second plank (which took me 2 minutes)—I collapsed on the mat with the sure knowledge that there was no way I would be repeating it once, much less twice.

Nothing is ever as easy as it looks.

You know that friend of yours who has it all together? The co-worker who is sailing through life? The Size 4 neighbor with the perfect children?

Don’t believe it.

Nothing is ever as easy as it looks.

I’m not sure why we look at the Pinterest version of the lives around us and assume the snapshots we are allowed to see tell the whole story.

Think about your own life. The hard stuff no one knows about. The health scare. The marriage that’s struggling. The kids that are wandering. The finances that are tighter than anyone suspects. The depression that’s closing in on your mind.

Why do we assume no one else is laboring under a heavy load?

Can I make a suggestion? This Valentine’s week, take some time to pray for the women who mean the most to you. Pray for their relationships, their health, their jobs, their families. Pray for discernment and pay attention to any prompts from the Holy Spirit.

Our real lives are not Pinterest boards.

Let’s quit acting like they are.

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Enough of Me

There is not enough of me today.

 

Today begins in the deep dark

When muscles lay heavy and frozen in the middle of a dream
Driven away by the call of “Mommy” and unrecoverable,
Even after the little one sleeps again in dry pajamas.

The day looms long as I lay back on my bed and pray
Until daylight filters under the door and the little one returns to cuddle.
The phone rings too early and the princess sleeps too long and I already know that
There is not enough of me today.

 

Laundry covers the room like confetti shot from a cannon.

Bills wait to be paid, messages to be returned, floors to be swept.
I’ll never finish today and the list in my mind swirls
While the little ones and I pretend to be dogs searching for imaginary bones.

The princess wakes miserable and the pretend puppies have to wait to play tag.
They don’t like waiting and everyone tries to snuggle in one chair
Spilling over the sides and bumping heads and noses.
There is not enough of me today.

 

I grab a shower and the only clean clothes available are gym clothes.

There is way too much of me and the irony is thick as
I leave my room to find the little ones tag-teaming an entire box of cookies.
They sit with chocolate rimmed mouths watching too much TV.

No one wants lunch so I grab bites of leftovers while I unload the dishwasher.

Diet experts say to sit down with each meal and focus on each bite.
I’m sure they are right but it’s not an option because
There is not enough of me today.

The baby spills water and pours out chips.

The little one whines and complains about cartoons.
The princess alternates between lethargy and activity.
The day wears on and I lean harder into grace.

In the middle of my mess, in the middle of my tears

His strength never fades, His compassion never runs dry.
When I falter there’s no condemnation, only His whisper,
“There is always enough of Me today.”


2 Corinthians 12:9 ~ But he said to me, "My grace is sufficent for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (ESV)

These songs have been on repeat in my head today...

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The Romans Project

Last week, I shared the Eat this Book program with you. After a full week, I have to say this is the easiest “read the Bible in a year” program I’ve ever tried. (And yes, I’ve tried to do this before. Pretty sure I’ve never made it past February).

Our pastor recommended that we make an effort to read at the same time and in the same place each day, as part of the way we establish the routine. I agree with him. I’ve had a spot and a time (chair in my bedroom, first thing in the morning) for the past couple of years. I move out to the deck when the weather cooperates and I start as many days this way as I possibly can.

But I have kids.

Three kids.

Kids who, on occasion, wake up way too early, or wake up sick, or wake up cranky. I also have been known to hit cancel instead of snooze on the alarm and for some reason, the kids never wake up early on those days and then I go into full blown tornado mode.

Tornado mode does not include me curling up in my chair with a cup of coffee and the Word. Tornado mode looks more like me praying “Jesus, help me not strangle anyone” as I race around the house, tossing lunches into boxes, pulling shirts over little torsos, and cramming shoes onto tiny feet.

Needless to say, tornado mornings often roll into frantic days where the chair and the Word, while longed for, just aren’t going to happen.

Which is where the YouVersion Eat this Book app has saved the day!

We are on Day 9 and I’ve already done some of my reading everywhere from the car to the bathroom. (TMI? Sorry. I have three kids, remember. Sometimes the bathroom is the only place I can get any peace. At least until they find me and stand outside the door, banging on it, begging for water, or sliding fingers under the door and asking if I’m in there…)

I’m convinced that technology, while full of pitfalls and time-suckers (Pinterest, anyone?), can also be one of our greatest assets as we seek to put on the full armor of God.

Which is why I’m ridiculously excited to be joining The Romans Project, hosted by Ann Voskamp and available for free through Scripture Typer and on her website, A Holy Experience.

Ann Voskamp challenged her readers to memorize the Sermon on the Mount last year and, frankly, I thought she was nuts. I’ve memorized a lot of Scripture, but the vast majority of it was as a child in Christian school and AWANA. My recent attempts have been feeble and unsuccessful. The odds of me memorizing three whole chapters were negative to nonexistent.

Of course, she makes very compelling arguments about why we need to be hiding the Word in our hearts. Arguments I could not refute. Arguments that had been tumbling around in my heart for a while, but I’d refused to give the time of day.

So this year, when she mentioned memorizing three chapters of Romans, I thought it might be worth considering.

To my intense surprise, I am having a blast!

You’ve got to check out Scripture Typer for yourself. You can join a group, such as The Romans Project, or set it up to help you memorize any verses you choose. Then, you type them over and over, to help you get them in your brain. You can set it up so you type the entire word, or just the first letter of the word if spelling’s not your thing. ~wink~

There’s also a Scripture Typer app which is not free, but is worth every one of the 599 pennies it will cost you, especially if you’re like me and are finding you spend way more time with your iPad than your laptop.

 

(By the way - if paper is still your thing, and goodness knows I do love a new journal - Ann Voskamp has some lovely free printables so you can make a little notebook of the memory verses and dive right in. Imagine, learning off-line. It can be done!).

With The Romans Project, we are learning two verses a week, which is quite manageable (and you could catch up in no time if you’d like to join in!).

I know you’re busy.

You are NOT too busy for this.

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